A dream is a wish your heart makes

First of all, I'm pro nuclear power. I thought I should get that out in the open. It would help us get this 'Global Warming' myth under control so that we could focus on more rewarding activities, like shark wrestling.

I had a dream last night about a terrible doughnut shortage. I really like old-fashioned doughnuts and I guess I fell asleep hungry or something because I went from one place to another looking for just one heaven sent, glazed bit of happiness . Everywhere I went there was a 'Sold Out' sign and a plate with a few crumbs left on it. It was depressing. I woke up craving a doughnut for breakfast. I told Michelle about my dream and she began to tell me about the dream she had last night. She was a gymnast competing in the Olympics. She won a gold medal. That was her dream.

Do you see it? Do you see the difference? We both have aspirations, but Michelle's are higher than mine. She's an Olympian and I'm Homer Simpson. The upside though is that mine was an attainable dream. I wanted a doughnut, so I went out this morning and got us some doughnuts and they were DELIGHTFUL!

Ol' Running Zorak

I used to run and run. "Ol' running Zorak" they used to call me. Then one day I developed the worst bunion on my left little toe. My running days were over.

So I started CONQUERING GALAXIES!!!

Pic of the Day

Why I really started medical school

Some do it for the money and some do it because they care. But as for me. Why did I do it? Well, I did it for all the free food they keep giving me. And I don't care that most of it is Little Caesar's pizza (like that ever killed anyone). I am a red-blooded american man! That means my heart, my head, and my stomach are pretty much synonymous. I love food. It's wonderful. And when it is free it becomes even better. It becomes magical! Food. Food. Food. And the occasional Cafe Rio, Indian, Thai, Panini, and assorted breakfast foods are just icing on the cake.

Interested in medicine?... Jump in, boys. The water's fine!

Study Break!

So there I was in the library, muscling my way through the embryonic development of the heart and minding my own business, when Murray's voice popped into my head. I could not continue without taking a short break to watch this clip Murray's Song a few times. Please enjoy.

Get rid of those pesky speedboat speed bumps

Too many manatees ruining your summer fun? Those 'cows of the sea' spoiling your boat party? Well, say no more. Now, for just 15 small cents, you can clear the way with this state-of-the-art, handy dandy Manatee Eliminator 3000.

Waterways too packed with wakeboarders, surfers, and skiers? No problem. Make the water safe again with our special crowd control mode. Gain recognition and respect and maybe even a cool nickname like 'Monarch of the Sea' or 'The Beach Master.' The nickname possibilities are really quite limitless. And they better give you a good one or you'll go totally ME 3000 on their butts. No one will ever kick sand in your face again, especially none of those manatees.

(goggles not included)

(yes, we built this out of old garden tillers)

Dear Future,

Hello Future,

Yes, it's me. Listen, I'm not here to argue. I just want to talk and ask you one question. Just one. I hope it isn't a bother. Cause we both know how busy you are. Right now. At this particular moment. In the present. What's that? Oh, that's right, you are too lame to exist in the present. Pathetic. You disgust me. That's my problem with you. You are never there. Just like they say in that Cake song. Oh you don't know that one? That's right, it took place in the past, you jerk.

Here's my QUESTION!!! (that sentence just escalated to full on yelling). Why are you always so bleak? I mean, I've heard other people talk and say how 'bright' and 'fruitful' you are. But to me, you just look dark, empty, and BLEAK. And since we both know that it is you who obviously has the problem, I think you should be the one to fix it. I don't know, maybe fill yourself with good fortune, wealth, health, and happiness for once. I'm not saying you should change yourself completely. I mean, you do you. But maybe you could just try it on and see how it feels. And if you like it, keep it. I know a lot of us sorry souls would really appreciate it. And this isn't 'You Planet,' you know.

Thanks for nothing,

Bob (the annoyed)