Get rid of those pesky speedboat speed bumps

Too many manatees ruining your summer fun? Those 'cows of the sea' spoiling your boat party? Well, say no more. Now, for just 15 small cents, you can clear the way with this state-of-the-art, handy dandy Manatee Eliminator 3000.

Waterways too packed with wakeboarders, surfers, and skiers? No problem. Make the water safe again with our special crowd control mode. Gain recognition and respect and maybe even a cool nickname like 'Monarch of the Sea' or 'The Beach Master.' The nickname possibilities are really quite limitless. And they better give you a good one or you'll go totally ME 3000 on their butts. No one will ever kick sand in your face again, especially none of those manatees.

(goggles not included)

(yes, we built this out of old garden tillers)

Dear Future,

Hello Future,

Yes, it's me. Listen, I'm not here to argue. I just want to talk and ask you one question. Just one. I hope it isn't a bother. Cause we both know how busy you are. Right now. At this particular moment. In the present. What's that? Oh, that's right, you are too lame to exist in the present. Pathetic. You disgust me. That's my problem with you. You are never there. Just like they say in that Cake song. Oh you don't know that one? That's right, it took place in the past, you jerk.

Here's my QUESTION!!! (that sentence just escalated to full on yelling). Why are you always so bleak? I mean, I've heard other people talk and say how 'bright' and 'fruitful' you are. But to me, you just look dark, empty, and BLEAK. And since we both know that it is you who obviously has the problem, I think you should be the one to fix it. I don't know, maybe fill yourself with good fortune, wealth, health, and happiness for once. I'm not saying you should change yourself completely. I mean, you do you. But maybe you could just try it on and see how it feels. And if you like it, keep it. I know a lot of us sorry souls would really appreciate it. And this isn't 'You Planet,' you know.

Thanks for nothing,

Bob (the annoyed)

It's a trap!

This makes me laugh and feel like a nerd. ...Chase that feeling.