Monday, November 29, 2010

The Wasted Space


Hi. First of all, Thanksgiving was awesome. Thank you so much for asking. Second, I just wanted to take a short break from my studies and tell you about what I call the 'wasted space.'

I am currently about 14 weeks into medical school. I am shocked and amazed at the amount of information they have crammed into my gray matter in such a short time. I am under the impression though that they will have to pick up the pace if I am to become a competent doctor in the next 3 and a 1/2 short years. How will they do it? I don't know. But maybe, if I could free up some space in my biological hard drive, they would have a little more material to work with. I am positive that vast tracts of brain space are currently consumed in the maintenance of useless movie quotes. I have entire movies almost memorized. They are, to name a few, A Night at the Roxbury, Zoolander, Princess Bride, The Secret of Nimh, Labyrinth, The Wizard of Oz, and Land Before Time. Not only do these movies occupy much needed space, but they could prove hazardous if they came out in clinical practice. Observe:

Patient: "Doctor, am I dying?"
Dr. Chestnut: "Nooo."
Patient looks relieved.
Dr. Chestnut: "Yes!" (laughs) "Gets them every time!" (high fives the air) (Doug and Steve Butavi "The Butavi Brothers" from A Night at the Roxbury)
Patient laughs at first (recognizing the quote), but then stops abruptly, realizing what it means. He looks downtrodden and then becomes very, very angry.

You see! Hazardous! The material is useless and potentially dangerous. The quotes consume me. If only I could erase that useless stuff and cut and paste something important in its place. "Would that this desk were a time-desk so that I could correct my past mistakes... and ride dinosaurs..." (Community Season 2, Episode 9).

So, my message to you is, "Don't be like me, Esse. Don't live in regret" (Bubbleboy).

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Good ol' Cowboys versus Indians


Wait. Scratch that. Cowboys &  ALIENS. As I have said before, I love it when filmmakers match up unconventional combinations of people/things to fight each other. (See Hey Michael. Sorry your movie sucks.) The ingenuity of pitting Cowboys against Extraterrestrials boggles my mind. It has the potential to be ridiculous/hilarious or it could be completely awesome. I know what you're thinking. You're asking, "But Bob, it sounds so absurd and unorthodox. How could it possibly come out on top?"

For one, we are combining Western with Sci-Fi. Both are phenomenal on their own. Who is to say that they won't blend well. Maybe they'll synergize and make all of our minds explode. Maybe this is cinematographic PB&J in the making! The result could be legendary. I'm just wondering why it hasn't been done before.

For twos, producers include Steven Spielberg and Ron Howard. Hollywood's greatest, right? I mean, Spielberg has his ups and downs, but Ron never let's me down. With their powers combined I imagine that a pretty high baseline will be set.

And three, the acting talent. That's right, friends. Sam Rockwell, Olivia Wilde, Harrison Ford, and Daniel Craig. I know, right? How can you pack so much awesomeness on to one screen in just two hours? I don't know. Again, my brain is imploding.

All the ingredients are right and I'm hopeful. So we'll see if this pans out to be PB&J (Peanut Butter + Jelly = Heaven) or fruit cake (fruit + cake = nasty crap).

Saturday, November 13, 2010

If it's yellow, let it mellow

On several nights out of the week I study in the Physical Therapy building. It is close to my home and I have access because our cadaver lab is in the basement. Tonight I went to the bathroom and all the urinals were unflushed. Now I would expect that kind of thing if it were a chiropractor building (hypopthetically speaking of course, because most 'chiros' in training meet in the woods) or something holistic like that (burn), but I expected more from the PT students. I have two H words for them. First, Hygiene. Practice it. Second, Hydration. If it comes out brown, drink more water. (And if it comes out bright neon green, drop the multivitamin.) I guess the argument could be made that the PTs were trying to conserve water. I would answer by saying that if they really wanted to conserve they should have all shared the same urinal. You know, four to five guys per flush. Or, I heard that urine can be recycled without becoming toxic for humans for at least a few days. So they could just use a reusable bottle.